A series: Lessons I learned Teaching in my 20s.

If you have a choice between being kind and _____. Always choose to be kind.

There’s always a choice we’re confronted with that puts us in a tricky situation. We can be assertive or kind, ethical or kind, smart or kind, self-serving or kind, comfortable or kind, protective of our hearts or kind…
In my humble experience of teaching and life in general, I realized that the rewards of being kind outweigh the risks.

That being said, the risks cannot be undermined. I learned that the hard way. I had to pay a heavy price for my kindness. So many times I have chosen to be kind, and in return: the kindness that I had to physically scoop out of my soul and hand over on the palm of my hands was taken from me, thrown on the ground, and stepped over while I stood there with a hand on my heart, assessing the gaping hole where my kindness resided. Why was it valued so little when it took so much from me? Was it me who valued it so little, sharing it so recklessly with everyone? Next time I’ll be smarter, and I won’t be so forwardly kind. My kindness should be earned.

That’s what I used to think, but I don’t see it that way anymore.

I know we live in a world where monsters are real, and kindness makes you prey. But we also live in a world with many craving even the smallest gesture of kindness.

There were many times when I gave a compliment, and it took nothing from me but gave the receiver so much. Years later, the student would come to me and express how that conversation saved their life.

When I first started teaching, I was still figuring out my ethical boundaries, and in turn, I was very, very strict with grading. I viewed leniency as black and white. If you were lenient, then that equaled unethical. So many times people needed a second chance, and I felt that giving it to them was taking away from my values.

With some experience, I started finding my balance. I started choosing to be kind when confronted with an ethical struggle, and what I found was that being kind is almost always the right choice. Firstly, it made me feel better. There’s nothing worse than the contemplation of second-guessing your fairness. Actually, the regret and guilt of knowing you could have done more or given one last chance is worse. But mostly, the instances where I saw people transform their lives and grow and achieve so much because I chose to be kind make it worthwhile. Even though those instances are fewer than the ones where my kindness goes to waste, their impact outweighs it all.

I also learned that you can be kind and ethical simultaneously. You can find a way to be fair yet allow people the room to redo their choices. I also learned that some people are so used to cruelty, that the slightest gesture of kindness can be so deeply moving it hits their core—and that’s all it takes for them to start their healing journey.

A smile, a compliment, an offer of a hand… Patience… Sometimes being kind is choosing not to say anything.

It’s one of my favorite feelings in the whole world when I see someone bask in the light of my kindness. When I see how much it gave to them. I no longer see how much I gave, my previous losses, the holes in my heart. Instead, I start seeing the patches growing and the holes shrinking.

So far, for me, it’s always been worth the risk. So if you had to choose between being anything and being kind, always choose kindness.